Sunday, September 27, 2009

Fat Chicks In Spandex - Lyric by Sudden Death

Oh no, there they go another herd of elephants
With big fat legs in tight black pants
And an image of themselves that can't be clear
'Cause it's obvious they ain't never looked in a mirror
Following fashion is no surprise
But when the fashion follows the form of your thighs
And reveals every mound and cluster of fat
Then it's time to take 'em off and take the damn things back
But no, they gotta go strut their stuff
And I'm here to say that enough is enough
Spandex shorts, stretch pants and such
If you weigh too much you're showin' way too much
Spandex doesn't hide where you sag
You look like a goddam hefty bad
Wrappin' up all your cellulite wreckage
Somethin' tells me it's gonna be one of those decades
Marchin' in the mall two ton by twoI guarantee that they're gonna sit by you
Showin' off everything the fabric ain't fixin'
Please God please no more fat chicks in spandex

Everywhere I go I just can't get away
From the overweight legs gift wrapped every day
I'm a humble man, I don't ask for much
But it would be nice to keep down my lunch
But I can't, they always walk by when I'm eating
My muscles all lock and my heart starts beating
Irregularly every time that I see
A walking wooly mammoth in a woman's size three
Clumps of fat popping out everywhere
Her pants are so tight I can see all her hair
It wiggles and wobbles when they're ridin' on a bike
Now I know what Al Bundy must feel like
The only thing I can imagine that would be any worse
Is Roger Ebert in a speedo but that's a whole nother verse
They wear 'em so much they're gonna wear the things up
And when the pants give away they're gonna all hang out
Beauty's in the eye of the beholder but
When these beauties walk by I keep my eyes shut
Black abominations they're squeezin' their hips in
Please God please no more fat chicks in spandex

If the back of your legs look like cottage cheese
If you're talking scale says "get off please"
If both of your breasts hang down to your knees
Then you shouldn't be wearin' any spandex
If you look like you're related to the Toxic Avenger
If a whale gets beached and you try to befriend her
If a mechanic sees your body and attaches a fender
Then you won't look good in those spandex
I'm gonna find who designed them it's all his fault
I'm afraid I'm gonna turn into a pillar of salt
When I accidentally look at a derriere
That looks like a walking bean bag chair
This has to be a dream but I can't wake up
It's too horrible a story to ever make up
It's the curse of the 20th century man
To be subjected to this torture again and again
By comparison the Spanish Inquisition was tame
Undersize pants on an oversize dame
Just ain't the way I like to get my kicks
Oh please God please no more fat chicks in spandex

Nereida Gallardo Is The First Plus-Size Model To Hit The Catwalk

Plus Size Nereida walked the catwalk at Fashion Event, in Paços de Ferreira last night. She paraded a number of outfits, including a tight grey dress that made her bum look like two soccer balls.

Her big fat legs threatened to explode from the confines of that black spandex at any moment while the catwalk creaked and groaned under each heavy step she taken.

The Portuguese city of Paço de Ferreira may not have the obvious glamour of Milan or Paris, but the catwalk is a no-fat and no-cellulite place, remember!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Plus Size Nereida Anti-Cellulite Product Is Called Photoshop

Friday, September 25, 2009

Photoshop Is Bugsy’s Best Friend

The most able photoshop experts were called to manipulate Bugsy's photoshoot for Maxmen. One click of the mouse here et voilà her legs are a little bit longer. One click of the mouse there et voilà rolls of fat are gone. One more click, an abracadabra and the cellulite is erased.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Plus Size Nereida Overdoses on Photoshop

You know photoshop's out of control when they make Plus Size Nereida look hot.Who knows how many hours of overtime the good peoples of Maxmen must have gone through to make her look good on their October cover. DON'T BUY IT!

Plus Size Nereida On Portuguese TV

Plus Size Nereida will made her very first appearance on Portuguese TV Record on Friday September 25, hour 16:30. She will visit "O Programa da Tarde" with Elsa Raposo. Bugsy will reveal details about her relationship with Cristiano Ronaldo, will talk openly about her life, career and her new man.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

No Nagging Anymore

Portuguese magazineVidas now is nagging us with Plus Size Nereida interviews ,articles and semi-nude pictures. What's the solution? Try to delete that annoying insect, protest against Nereida Gallardo to

Plus Size Nereida Dislikes Watching Herself In The Mirror

"I like watching myself, I prefer the way I look in photoshoots rather than in the mirror." (the mirror doesn't lie!) I wish to have thinner legs, they always have been like this and I got used to them. I would not have cellulite. I eat a lot and I do not go to the gym. I like my eyes, my breast and my lips."

Monday, September 21, 2009

Plus Size Nereida Will Never Do Vogue Or Cosmopolitan..., in lack of something better she makes do with Vidas.




Plus Size Nereida Is Still Dreaming The Impossible Dream

In a recent interview with Vidas (yet another interview with Bugsy), Plus Size Nereida confessed that she still dreams to become a model. Obviously, she will not go far. She's fat and too short to be a runway or high fashion-print model. Currently, the fashion industry cuts clothes for women who are approximately 5'7 or taller, right now there isn't a place for a girl who measures 165 cm and weighs 56 Kg. It seems she can only do half-naked photos for gossip magazines like Vidas.

Friday, September 18, 2009

BAN BUGSY FROM PORTUGAL (She Should Be Banned From The Entire World)!

Plus Size Nereida is it again, running her mouth and saying absurd, annoying and ridiculous things. In an interview with Correio da Manha she said: "I was invited (to attend Winter Club Opening) because people wanted me there, because I'm able to attract the public. I have a contract with Espectacular Produções to be guest at three different events : in October, November and December." As if to say "Portugueses like me so much". Idiot or does she think Portugueses are stupid?

Can't stand Plus Size Nereida? Think her attitude and image are disgusting?Want her out of Portugal? Contact Espectacular Produções and try to stop her!

Director Daniel Martins
PR Joao Lourenco

Plus Size Nereida Versus Merche Romero

On thursday night Cristiano Ronaldo's ex-girlfriends Merche Romero and Plus Size Nereida attended Aliados Winter Club opening. Both were at the party but ignored each other all night long. Looking ugly as sin, but always ready to pose for the camera, Bugsy showed up with her amewhore boyfriend Pedro Sabater. Plus Size Nereida has nothing in common with Merche. They couldn't be more different: one is tall, the other is short, one is blonde, the other is brunette. Who do you like better?

Monday, September 14, 2009

Plus Size Nereida Takes Cellulite & Boyfriend At Winter Club Opening

The Nobodys joined a slew of Portuguese celebrities, including Cristiano Ronaldo ex girlfriend Merche Romero and ex model Claudia Jacques , at the Winter Club Opening, on Thursday 10th September . Plus Size Nereida and Pedro were more than happy to strike poses for the camera and they spent the night smiling and kissing for photographers. It seems like Bugsy's man is delighted to be in the spotlight!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Claudia Jacques vs Plus Size Nereida 1-0

Plus Size Nereida is at war with ex model Claudia Jacques over Winter club job. She vented her frustration at Correio de Manha.

"I honestly do not understand why Claudia Jacques is making all this fuss. I have never spoken ill of someone ( except for her ex boyfriend, his mum and his sisters), least of all of Claudia Jacques. I don't know why she doesn't want to work with me. She should be ashamed. Her behavior isn't acceptable for her age. She should have another kind of attitude. After all the 25 years old it's not her, it's me. (Neither of the two! Claudia Jacques is 44 years old, Plus Size Nereida is 26 years old). I don't understand why she acts like this. Does she feel inferior to me? Is this the problem? I'm just a simple person and these are things that I don't understand".

Finally: Claudia Jacques still has her job while Plus Size Nereida has been dismissed. Who's inferior?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Does Plus Size Nereida Lie about her Age?

Plus Size Nereida lied about her age to M.F.Models Agency

I'm 24 (she's 26) and I'm from Palma de Mallorca. i would love if you consider me and I would like to be able to work with you, Bye bye, thank you very much.

Plus Size Nereida Lied on her CV

Plus Size Nereida lied on the website of Mundo Weekend events agency. She claims to have been born in 1984.